bijou bijou

2004-01-14T12:23:00.000-05:00

music: muse

i'm just too busy being blown away.
ashes ashes we all fall down@QQQQakllll5hhla0000ar[pp522ihja2

i didn't go in to show menk my shit!
F me dude. i need to go int omorrow i thinK.
yeaaa. i think i will do The Venice ScreenPrint to show her (maybe she will beImpressed?) of Adren's picture and then... (all will be Okk?) i have The Blood Brothers In my head. But the roses paved my lips and made my mouthaGrave filled with PROmises!

psps; that was a cute picture jes. will you send it to me? because then i might... well... i need to go get ready. we're going to brefest. ooh mexy just called! she is coming!i hope

2004-01-13T16:21:00.000-05:00

music: k,cobra

lux = -109$.

2004-01-11T22:37:00.000-05:00

music: tramp

petey's in ohio! went to bob's w/ kc and met bo & petrix there. he's great. saw dannyG working at cord camera too, and he gives the best hugs ever! i'd forgot.ten. oops. rock and i have been doing lots of cartwheels. but neither of us can actually do a cartwheel. so there you have it, the remnants of are sanity, gone to waste. he is plucking guitar strings. he told me so. "P-L-U-C-K-I-N-G. make sure you tell jesse." fuck! i forgot to call marc back again! god damn damn fuck shit fuck fuck. et cetera. wasn't someone supposed to remind me? fuck! jklafjlka. i'll tell mathew too. have you ever said "math- ew"? it's fun. because we all know math is gross. hehehe. oh man. i'm really funny. hehehe. that reminds me. nick is ticklish. but then he tickled me. that was not so sweet. but boys that are ticklish, that's bitchin'. ash is really cute. you should see. oh, i went to magnolia's today, for the first time in a long time. i got a liars album and something else, but i don't remember. i have to go back to get two more liars albums and a slint album. yes. it's true. how many australian dollars would it take to pay off my ticket? would you mind? lovelove

2004-01-10T20:34:00.000-05:00

music: sean lennon

"drop it like it's hot" --oh yeah marc, just drop a line, and then tell me all about your night: played a gig at THE LUXX, had the guy from interpol DJ, chloe sevingy was there AND hung out with sean lennon and his girlfriend until 7am. YOU ASSHOLE. i'll drop names too BITCH!... just you wait. heh, here's to marc Allen diCenzo and drinking games. and i am going to call marc back,,, as soon as i finish these submissions. yesyesyes

half of what i say is meaningless // but i say it just to reach you

2004-01-10T19:51:00.000-05:00

music: rock and ezra have the UGLIEST voices. never let them sing beatles to you!

i am trying to get my work in exhibitions. i am sending silkscreens and photographs and paintings and mixed medias. it is exhausting trying to apply to so many things. i am trying to win competitions. i am trying to get my writing published! i want credibility in the real world because i have no academic credibility. i NEED to call marc back. don't let me forget, please, please, please. (as if you're going to call me to remind me of that?). i also have to ask jef and michael if i can submit pictures of them. what about that one of sara? hmm... ah! i'm freaking out because it is very exciting. i can do it. you think so. right?

fuck. i hope so.

2004-01-10T17:02:00.000-05:00

music: the shins

everyone's listening to that album lately. i called to see if your back was still aligned, and to see if there was grass growing from the corners of your bed. you've got too much to wear on you sleeves; it's too much to do with me, and i want to bury in the yard the dead remains of a friendship scarred. yeah the lyrics are something like that.

last night, that was fun. i had fun. i guess i'll smoke with you if it's kosher. by kosher i mean $$free$. yep. remind me that i can't eat meat because, that... well, that's just not kosher with my insides. you know?

2004-01-08T07:11:00.000-05:00

the lines in her palms tell future with no certainty
she must break glass to go through it
she can read, but does not speak
language is neither alibi nor enemy

i have a book of poems by rilke that i have to remember to give to hayley
i think she's an adorable girl, i hope she does well

not corlaine-haley, obviously
this one goes to scioto, she was reading rilke
and you know how half the time that gets translated like a motherfucker
so... that's the story behind that

talked to marc for two hours or something last night
we were both moping it up and laughing about nothing
it was great;
and i say heinz...i don't remember how to spell that... and chey
and JANICE!!<3<3<3 at the mall
hahaha YOU KNOW ARSENAL BEAT MAN U V.E>!

2004-01-07T21:42:00.000-05:00

heey. i'vee been drinking again. my keyboard is fucked. sometimess it multiplys letters. the a & the s a lot.

miss u jes. i don't really know what i'm doing anymore. i've got alc for my last three days of sschool. i haven't been sober for the past two months... thanks grant.

did i tell you about the message he left me with his brother? "don't ever call the house again, i hate you, and i never want to talk to you again, sincerely grant." yeah... i don't know. haven't talked to him for quite sometime... so... i guess that's done with. guys forget girls pretty quickly, eh jes? i'm such a sap. i wish i wasn't. i hang on to too much.

i'll write more later. mark has to leave. byebye

2004-01-05T00:06:00.000-05:00

music: ani difranco

the problem is me.

2004-01-04T10:35:00.000-05:00

music: the icarus line

gross. try closing the fucking door next time.
everyone ends up as disappointment.

2004-01-03T12:45:00.000-05:00

err. last night mark, noise and i went to riverside hospital to see aprell marie quinn's new baby boy. he was born at 3:10 on dec. 31st. he was so cute. he had little miniature ears and oh his belly was so small. tiny little eyes. eep. i wanted to hold him and bite him all over he was so little and cute! like a kitten.

carley was really upset and she called me crying. i wanted to talk to michael! so i called his cell. no deal. i called alfie's. no deal. should've called nathan's. called grant's. grant's brother answers. "oh, this is aarthi? i have a message for you. don't call the house ever again, i hate you and i don't want to talk to you. sincerely grant."... i was so amused when he first said that, that i asked him to repeat it. i mean... WHAT? first of all, i'm calling to talk to michael. second, WHAT??? are you kidding me?

i don't even know what to say about that. "lame" isn't even a comprehensible suggestion. i keep wanting to think so much more of grant, forgiving him over and over again in my mind and thinking all of this bullshit between us is just misconstrued and unnecessary. and i'm really at a loss now.

i did still want to be his friend. but what kind of explanation is there for all this? what about petrix and bo? i wish you were here so you could help me make sense of everything. i miss you so much. do you remember when meghan had her baby? when i was at riverside yesterday i kept remembering that. and how we got to hold him. and seeing him in the little incubator box. oh it really made me so sad to be in there. all the babies there were so healthy. oh. i'm going to make you upset. fuck. i don't know. you should probably call me.

i don't want mathew to go back to colorado. or since he has to, i want to go with him. i don't want him to leave and then surround myself with people that will never be him.
GAAR.
you fuck. why did you leave me?
when i see jamie again, i am going to stab him in the heart five times. it'll tear flesh and muscle, leave bone and tissue in shreds. he'll regret everything. when i see you again i'm going to make you comb your hair and get all the knots out.
ash says it's disgusting.

i want to know what makes people think they are worth so much
when they are nothing,
when they are dust blowing.

2004-01-02T19:44:00.000-05:00

fuck. hang in there petrix. all my love.

2004-01-02T14:11:00.000-05:00

music: soul position

rock and i have fake tattoos! do you!?
we going to go play n64. and i'm going to wh00p some white AZZ.
BEST BELIEVE.
love!

2004-01-01T16:46:00.000-05:00

oh yes, jes
i had loads of fun last night.
mark and i drove down to clintonville after dropping jarod off, which sucked. he wasn't allowed out or something (gey). and when we got there, nick and joy didn't stay very long, but bo came a little before 12. i slept in justin nokes' bed, in justin nokes' house and that was around 5am. maybe 6. noise and me danced to cursive! and the postal service. that was long after john played wu-tang, but you know i was up for that too. hehehe. jesus. what a good night. and i think mark and i are hanging out with john and jen on friday? i don't remember what i'm talking about. i'm tired. someone remind me i need to give bo $5. i hope you had as much fun. haven't talked to mathew yet. love

2003-12-31T18:24:00.000-05:00

actually rock & i DID help meredith & ryan set-up for the party they're having, but i don't think that i am going to it. todd's friend jeff is having some huge party too and that's where jake & noa are going to be, but then they said they'd stop by mere's if i was going to be there. but i think i'm ruining everyone's plans! maybe i should just go to meredith's... but there are a load of kids... well there are a load of kids there that aren't kids anymore. haha, i guess it's just that i don't know most of her friends or ry's friends and then i feel all gawky and out of place. i think rock and daniel will be there? more incentive for me to go?...

anyway, i hate new year's eve and all this god damn celebration. i don't want to be thinking about the boy i want to be kissing, kissing another girl at midnight. oh man... i am such a lamer...
but that's what sad girls do!.

oh, and you were talking about grant, not mark. i never dated mark!! and if it was grant you were talking about, no we don't hang out, and no, we're not dating anymore. actually i'm pretty convinced he pretends i don't exist... or just hates me. err... let's not talk about that anymore. it's quite the downer. but if you would like to know what happened, you should probably ask him, because i really don't know.

so. um. i miss ian & ezra & paige! they come back on friday! whee. (i think friday).

oh. i guess my brother is having a party at my house too. this is news to me. interesting. but still... there is justin nokes. i think that's the plan.

2003-12-30T13:32:00.000-05:00

music: microphones

hey i've got a lot to do. i'm not ready for that.

2003-12-29T15:32:00.000-05:00

ps; EZRA, COULD YOU COME BACK NOW...?

2003-12-29T15:25:00.000-05:00

music: shudder to think

oh gee. rock and i fell asleep before we could even start cleaning my room. i don't think my brother even noticed anyone came over, because when he woke up we were sleeping, and rock just snuck out. (we thought it was my mom, and she said no one is allowed over until i clean my room!). oh well. i'm going to go smoke or wait for mark or finish my screen. doorbell!

2003-12-29T12:55:00.000-05:00

music: His Infernal Majesty (H.I.M.) & Dimmu Borgir

actually i'm just compiling the songs we want to use on different discs right now, i'm really listening to Mirah, "La Familia":

hey, good friend, don't you think you'd better cool it down.
you're always getting curious and leaving town.
you know i like it, being in your family.
wonder what would happen if nobody left.
we'd all stick around, if we'd all stick around.
and here's a question that's been tested.
tell me, if we sleep together, will it make it any better?
if we sleep together, will you be my friend forever?
if we sleep together, will it make it any better?
if we sleep together, would you be my friend?
hey, good friend, listen up, they're playing our song
on the radio, do you have to go?
i really like it, this rock and roll;
makes me want a little sugar in my bowl.
it's like the glory days, it's like a fortune sold,
and here's a question that's been tested.
let's not always forget about who we are,
so choose a path and follow it.
take a pill and swallow it.
none of us forget about who we are,
guess now forever we can fool around in the dark.
will you be my friend forever forever forever forever forever forever forever

did you hear the reference there, or did you miss it? "makes me want a little sugar in my bowl". sound familiar? hehehe, nina simone, "put a little sugar in my bowl". do you remember the last time we listened to that song? it was three days after she died and oh, you were in mourning, weren't you? grieving that sassy jazz lady you never really knew. silly boy. boys fall in love for all the wrong reasons.

i wonder what would happen if nobody left.

2003-12-28T11:32:00.000-05:00

mathew and i are downloading loads of heavy metal!! we're making his mom a ton of mix cds for her birthday in january! it's so much fun! and i'm talking to this little baby ian, oh he's sooo cute! i'm giving him the last four jthm comics for christmas cos he only got the first 3! he's adooorable! and shy and i can carry him! ooh. ok, well... back to business.

LOVE METAL
-Apocalyptica
-Deicide
-Dimmu Borgir
-Emperor
-Nocturna
-Borknagar
-Arcturus
-Ulver
-The Haunted
-Therion
-Solitude Aeternus
-Amorphis
-Anathema
-Cannibal COrpse
-Entombed
-Cancer
-The Gathering
L&R

2003-12-26T10:10:00.000-05:00

w00t. we're having mad sex to AN ALBATROSS, baby! north of december//L

2003-12-25T15:09:00.000-05:00

last night haley came to the binge-party at ian's apt for the first two hours so that she could open all the hundreds of presents we all got her! it was so much fun. she is the most adorable little girl EVER. i got her nightmare before christmas dolls (jack and sally) and colouring books from a bunch of disney movies and smelly markers and a my little pony! lol. i only spent 20$ cos all the nightmare & pony junk i got for half-off from hottopic cos i know a loser-kid that works there. kidding, kidding. haley also told me that when she grows up she wants to live in an igloo! cutecutecute. anyway... so there was a lot of "binge" eating, drinking, smoking and snorting (AFTER HALEY LEFT!). i seriously thought wesley quit, but... well... no. anyway. i got to stay the night at rock's and at 4am rock's mom came in and was like "mathew, luxey, let's open presents!" ...................EVEN ROCK'S DAD GOT ME A PRESENT. that was really super weird, and i didn't get him anything! but i guess he dropped one off for me? (i have no idea). he wasn't even there after dinner, which was at like 8pm and i wasn't there for that. anyway, he got me a scarf. i was like "that's so cute!". rock was like, "i didn't even know he got you something...". anyway. we all opened presents, etc, etc, etc.

oh. yeah, i'm not dating anyone. i don't know where you got the name Chris from??. i think you're... delusional. i don't know i don't know, mathew is going to go back to colorado. everything suXx. uuuh. zak and jeff aren't going to hong kong anymore, i don't think. cos i've been trying to convince them to go to singapore and i think they're sold. i was just supposed to tell you, so if you guys are still meeting up or something? whatev-- zak doesn't have your #, so you're going to have to call him. <3u

2003-12-24T14:23:00.000-05:00

i'm really sick of your stupid live-journal thing, so i'm back to this... yep. oh well. i never have pictures to post anyway. i lost the digi-cam in nyc! garr.

oh my. it's x-mas eve. jake&noa h flew in from the west coast! darren, nick, their two sisters and other brother will all be here before break is out. marcD came down from nyc, and bennett might stop by columbus on his way back from cinci. andy & sam are here for 2 weeks to spend hannukah(s'over) and their dad's break w/ him. i love this time of year because everyone comes home! hint hint: where are you jesse!!? rock is also back to spend x-mas eve and christmas day with his mother. his dad came w/ him but i guess he's staying at a hotel after x-mas dinner. i think that means we were right about them still not really getting along. oh.

ian took his little homo-luv (ezzzra) and paige down to texas w/ him. they drove out i think on... friday? maybe saturday. i thought danny was going down with them, but he stayed here and he's staying at home! for christmas eve. it's really weird-- i did see him yesterday though. he said he just cut haley's hair and it looks really cute, and to tell you that they sent a picture in a x-mas card. no fair, all i got was a couple records and taken out to "dinner"!

i still have some gifts to get-- have you gotten ours yet? we sent it out like a week ago. a little over. paige's is in the same box as mine, but the big box, that's ian's and sam/andy's is in the green one. and meghan's gifts are all separate i think. (i didn't pack them all! i only helped!).

oh, mikey if you ever read this, i just wanted to tell you that my friend, amy, is taking me to the mall today or day after tomorrow so i can get TONS of earrings. eep! it will be oh-so-hot.

bye jes, merry merry merry x-mas. (i think it's almost x-mas there). -L

2003-12-02T23:17:00.000-05:00

music: him

Chapter 1:Ghost Brother

I am the daughter of a drowned woman.
I have stories to tell but do not speak.
Who will trust me?

When I'm afraid of what I see, I pretend it's a play. The dead will rise for applause. We'll all go home. I promise.

First there's the girl, Cecile Vaughn.
The missing boy brings bad weather and bad luck.

Why is she the only one to know he is home?
Finally She whispers to the earth just thawed.

2003-12-02T21:30:00.000-05:00

music: the most horrible john lennon song EVER... thanks bo--

but he had grown tired of her.
but he had grown tired of her.
but he had grown tired of her.
but he had grown tired of her.
but he had grown tired of her.
but he had grown tired of her.
but he had grown tired of her.

so it was true.

he left her
amongst the whales and the waves

the bastard let her drown.

2003-12-01T22:32:00.000-05:00

music: mogwai

five down. mjmdg. why do relationships require so much blood loss? ...i hate you. i hate you.
jessehelpme

2003-12-01T17:13:00.001-05:00

cool it, kool-aid. marc called. he's coming down!--
i'm sad

2003-12-01T16:33:00.000-05:00

i saw kyle in the hallway today and i was like, "guess who i went on a date with last night."
"what?"
"it's someone you're friends with."
"uhh...jeff?"
"right. ok. ...he goes to linworth."
"oh man, don't say kevin."
"hahaha it was kevin. why not kevin?, what's wrong with him?"
"no, nothing's wrong with him. kevin's my best friend."
......NO KIDDING KYLE. well, actually that's not where the conversation finished, but that's for us, not for you. eeEe. mark didn't come to school today. that jerk-bald. my toes are cold and i need to find my big yerfe.jun board so i can make a silkscreen out of it. FUN. hahaha, we're supposedly having mark's birthday party at tony's apt, and we have to pay his mom off not to be around. that's hilarious. it's sad if you get into details, but hilarious to just think i could pay off my parents to get out of the house. nevermind... i just downed it.

2003-11-30T22:23:00.000-05:00

ps; i forgot to tell you... i'm excited.

2003-11-30T22:18:00.000-05:00

music: opera tristan (help me out with that one jes?)

i was kevin's date for thanksgiving dinner tonight, and it was good, clean fun. ...well, wine was served, but not in excess-- don't worry. and joey's family is completely sincere, great food too. ...kevin is a very, very sweet guy. and i don't think i've gotten a compliment for a long time. thank you kevin, because i forgot to say thank you then. goodnight. (there was smiling going on).

2003-11-30T02:10:00.000-05:00

music: don'tspeak

if you'd stop pretending. if you'd wake up one morning, so soon, and realise this ending. if you'd tell the truth, lick it up and let it settle in your stomach, feel the worth of reality and calm my desperation. if you would hold me closer than the notes stemming from the veins of your heart dripping from your fingertips, let me be the cessation of silence: your music, your internal melody...

this "entry" is just getting really fucking lame.

2003-11-29T11:42:00.000-05:00

what have i done
i let you desecrate me""

2003-11-28T09:23:00.000-05:00

i don't need you at the foot of my bed anymore. rahr. ian and ezra picked me up last night around 2am and we went to ryan's. i won 23$ in poker, but i don't know where i left it. probably in ian's wallet cos i had him hold it. anyway, ezra's adorable. hehehe. ...and my insides hurt a lot right now, so i'll talk about everything but why--

2003-11-27T19:59:00.000-05:00

music: ezra's 80's love song mix

oh. it's thanksgiving. celebrate the flattening--

2003-11-26T02:58:00.000-05:00

music: ladytron, liars, postal service (mixtape)

cast a spell on me

always apprehensive at first

2003-11-25T17:28:00.000-05:00

i have 4 thanksgivings. tomorrow my parent's are having a bunch of families over; thursday we're eating just my family, and i'm picking grant up from the airport; friday cristina is having a thanksgiving "potluck", and i'm making smushed yams and bringing pie too; and saturday i am going as kevin's date to some dinner party. now, where is morgan miles so he can ask kacey to be his date? hehehe... kevin called me last night. he must've felt super-awkward or maybe that was me. which reminds me, i have to go to scotties tonight, and half-price. after i clean that is--

2003-11-24T16:10:00.000-05:00

it's cold. i feel really lonely. i want some cookies.

2003-11-23T02:33:00.000-05:00

music: unearth

drman'dtGn'ialcel*. fuck you, asshole.
*thesentence ismixed up.
i had a drunk-crush tonight too. you're going to ask what that is, but don't. it's something todd made up while we were watching casablanca and he wanted it to be in colour. kacey, you missed a great-looking morgan miles tonight. hahaha, what a great kid.(don'twakeme,iplanonsleepingin.)

2003-11-22T09:46:00.000-05:00

music:

[load, round1]
"and now i don't know why i did."
BANG.
"i can't talk to you."
BANG.
"you just belittle everything i say."
BANG.
you make everything so hard."
BANG.
"all you do is hurt my feelings."
BANG.
"you're right. you're the only one that's hurting."
BANG.

[reload, round2]
"and now i'm realising how you treated me so badly."
BANG.
"like back then, i just let it wash over me."
BANG.
"i just need time to think."
BANG.
"i can't stop thinking about it."
BANG.
"it feels like you're forcing me to make a decision."
BANG.
"i'll call you sometime."
BANG.

[END GAME].

NEW HIGH SCORE!

rounds fired: 2
# of shots that hit target: 12/12
# of shots that missed target: 0/12
de-composure of life: 100%
SCORE: 1440/1440 pts

please type in name _Gr

2003-11-21T00:25:00.000-05:00

music: organza

it sucks when you spend a shit load of your time making something for someone and are really excited because you think they'll be really happy and then they look at it like it's some half-assed 4-year-old drawing to put on a fridge and say, "oh... cool." so much for making grant a special birthday present. i'm never making anyone anything again. what a waste of everything. i don't even feel like fixing it anymore. fuck every effort i've ever made.

i liked you a lot more when i mattered to you. and since i don't know... you just make me feel worthless. and none of this matters anymore to me, because it doesn't matter to you. ljkafjlwe3rawwae-9iua4t

2003-11-19T12:54:00.000-05:00

...

it was grant's birthday yesterday.

i didn't go to school. today or yesterday. i am finishing grant's birthday gift right now. rock is writing songs on the piano... they are very loud.

he doesn't want me to hold him. hesays hesays hesays, "say goodbye."

that is all. because that is all i feel. bye.

2003-11-16T11:46:00.000-05:00

music: the postal service
(it caught me)!

i feel like anything i say won't make a difference. how can you tell someone you know that this is costing both of you what could be:

i don't think you understand. why do you try to prove to yourself that i am trying to hurt you? (you've got no evidence). every reason you've given me isn't a reason. what can i say that i haven't already said. do you even know what you want? i thought this was it. i know what i want.

but if you finally do listen, if you believe me, what do i do? how will you convince me that you won't do this again? if i can make you happy how can you prove that this won't happen when it has already. i am the only one with proof. i am the only one who is losing.

should i give up on you?
you know i can't do that.
lienextto me, takemy hand, whisper inmy ear, tellmeyouloveme

2003-11-16T03:28:00.000-05:00

i met a really nice guy tonight at meredith's. we were both being sad and he listened to me. his name was cameron something. i saw grant tonight
he says he says he says "it's over"
and all i hear is "good bye"
and all i hear is "i wanted nothing more than to lie"

2003-11-15T10:22:00.000-05:00

para me corazon?

2003-11-15T00:52:00.000-05:00

music: collector

in the event of crisis, look straight ahead, and keep moving forward. ian and i made "tactic strategies" for an imaginary soccer game and got them post-marked. that means sent, right? i didn't really get any birthday presents from my parents. i got to buy a pair of shorts. i guess that will count, because it sounds lame and pathetic when people ask me what my parents got me. i'm not really good at asking for stupid presents. aren't birthday presents supposed to only be used for like 3 weeks and then get thrown away anyway? maybe that's christmas. either way, i don't care. i also got a little money to buy presents for people. i think i could have more money if i return what i got for grant. i don't think he would want them; he didn't even look at me tonight. if i could return those, then maybe i can have enough to take rock and his mom to dinner! i owe them. anyway, grant didn't get me presents... or even call me... on my birthday. i doubt he wants me to ruin his day with... charity?. um.. rock and i have an ongoing riddle game and i can't figure the last one out. and nick won't shut the fuck up. he thinks ryan "likes" me, so he wants to hook us up. i don't even want to think about all this bullshit. it's been less than a fucking week, asshole. hah-- mathew, jef, marshall, grant, and then ryan? well my last three ex-boyfriends hate me, so basically dating anyone is forcing them to despise you. lkjasf. i don't even trust myself anymore. i...nevermind. i printed for three hours at the dac, left school early too to do it. double +. i am not good enough at anything really. or... i'm not enough.

2003-11-13T17:46:00.000-05:00

i forgot to mention that-- hey meredith! i'm drawing that picture of you!-- and-- trish said "blast!"-- it was adorable. (hedoesn'tbelievemewhenitellhimilovehim). thatmakesmesosad. mikey's coming over so we can go to record stores down on high. but... i don't know. i want to... i don't know.

2003-11-13T17:20:00.000-05:00

today aly, jess, kelse, elisha and menk all yelled at me. they think i shouldn't act so pathetic, "but i am pathetic!" and then menke gave me a bunch of compliments, she was like, "and anyone who doesn't see that doesn't deserve you." what does that mean? deserving? i don't know what i'm supposed to do. i want to listen to them, but my insides are so heavy. maybe if he doesn't call tonight i will listen to them. they were like, "he sucks! you need an awesome guy." and i said, "but he was." but they don't believe me. it was funny when aly said, 'let's look at the pros and cons,' and just listed a bunch of cons. oh well. this is really fucking lame. i'm so confused. this entry will probably be classified as "pathetic" and i'm going to get my ass REAMED for it.

2003-11-12T14:09:00.000-05:00

no sound

like a dream i keep imagining him showing up at my doorstep with his hands folded, or carrying a bouquet of flowers, "let me be romantic"; and in sleep everything is well again, everything is beautiful. i wish i could sleep forever. i wish i could live my life in dreams.

2003-11-11T14:24:00.000-05:00

music: the static of the television
unable to recieve the picture clearly
in my grantparent's house

grant.
he's gone now.
happy birthday aarthi.
what is wrong with me?
i am out of breath.
i ruin.

2003-11-09T13:10:00.000-05:00

music:..err

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

2003-11-08T20:41:00.000-05:00

music: (lyrics below)

"it makes no difference.
this is forever."

2003-11-08T20:32:00.000-05:00

music:

oh my freak ass... i am so bored! i've made like forty or so designs in the past six hours. maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. rock IS here now, but we don't have anything to do. tomorrow is my birthday and if i don't get to see grant then i don't want to have my birthday. rock and his mommy got me a $140 dollar set of prismacolour coloured pencils and rock also made me earrings. okay, but the earrings he made in england and either left them there or lost them somewhere, so he's thinking about making new ones. haha. count on mathew to screw up. rock's going to leave soon, so then i think i might stop by chey's and see if anyone i want to see is there. today derek asked me to draw him after watching me try to draw my "mannequin", so i tried to, and it turned out less than decent, but it was fun and it was the first time i've drawn someone from life in a really long time. realistically too. wow, exciting.

2003-11-06T19:43:00.000-05:00

music: schoenberg's string trio

it's three days until my 18th birthday. i got my senior picture proofs today. i feel like whining about fat in all the wrong places! and a dumb look on my face always. but i won't. you'll see, em. i'll send you one of each jes (love).

2003-11-05T16:12:00.000-05:00

music:

if you won't forgive me, i won't forgive you.

2003-10-28T07:25:00.000-05:00

music: like paradise like death

in the craters, in the canyons, in the corners of our mouths.
word

2003-10-26T22:04:00.000-05:00

ps; no one did any cocaine mikey. if you didn't understand the last entry, it's because you're not meant to.

2003-10-26T21:31:00.000-05:00

music: festival of dead dear

vladamir nabakov:
"two muses: the essential, hysterical, genuine one, who tortured me with elusive snatches of imagery and wrung her hands over my inability to appropriate the magic and madness offered me; and her apprentice, her palette girl and stand-in, a little logician, who stuffed the torn gaps left by her mistress with explanatory or meter-mending fillers which became more and more numerous the further I moved away from the initial, evanescent, savage perfection."

missed aesop rock for being under the tender mark; a couple lines of coke, some rolling rock and a long night instead. yeah, that's a fragment. splice this.

2003-10-22T16:45:00.000-04:00

music: elliot smith

22 october 2003,
steven died today.
my head just keeps saying no.
please come back.
i can't save the world.
i want to; i'd save you.

2003-10-20T00:20:00.000-04:00

music: ingellic

breath smooth over these carcass
strewn across the deserts
of our lips
stitch like needles
using vein to sew skin
regenerate an aura of where horizon claims shift
and virginity

when pure became the descrecration of love
i sat at your funeral
wondering where the knife was

freewriting. amazing weekend. sullen night, sullen girls. birthday for jason last wednesday, cake @ sns, 1030pm this wednesday. it's going to be chocolate, if you're interested--

2003-10-19T10:03:00.000-04:00

music: can

i will find my way to eternity within you.

2003-10-19T01:09:00.000-04:00

music: silencio

i have had a pretty nice weekend. friday i got to print in the lab at the d.a.c. and it's small, but convenient and sufficient. i printed some seri-pop photos and some of dirker's arangatram. exciting. and friday night grant's band played, and they did a wonderful job. i got around two rolls of them and one roll of day after never. kyle andru and jesse (and andrew too) are the only new wave band that will get away with forcing me to love them. which reminds me, i'm wearing jesse "leones" jacket and it's warm and grant has mine. grant looked adorable to death playing keyboards. i'm going to jump that boy every second every second. he makes me smile way too much. tonight kacey, mikey, grant & i saw kill bill at the marcus, and what a good job quentin tarantino did. nothing really avant-garde or original, it was just the most well put-together of any movie of its sort. i love it. especially all the squirting blood and assasins involved. plus, uma thurman-- complete babe. lucy liu... myeh, not much for any of them but, uma thurman = sexy-hot. also got to talk to daniel on friday and marc a couple times this week. and got my "sweetest day" messages from rock (thanksthanksxxo). here's to hallmark holidays, cheap wine and exhaustion. ::cheers:: (you can't tell me i did that wrong, daniel. love, miss, kiss.)

2003-10-15T17:30:00.000-04:00

music: death from above

i stayed home from school today and picked rock and wes up from the airport around 9. rock called me last night to tell me his flight got moved up. and we had dinner with ms. jones too, but wesley couldn't stay. grant's over now. mars volta was on monday. i saw sean and katherine and josh. talked to marc too. he always calls me walking to the subway, heh. i don't feel so hot.

2003-10-11T16:18:00.000-04:00

music: cerys

marc just called. yay. standing infront of the subway station... that kid is so random. (no, we don't have subways in columbus). um i guess something "crazy" happened today at breakfast? and there was "tension"? i'm really not sure, because i just heard about it from grant. i think it's something along the lines of jessica hates my guts and they were making fun of me?... but i don't really know, cos i'm not really worried about it. but i am confused, because i didn't know anything big happened until just now. maybe that's when situations are interpreted differently... but i did have a really cool time at breakfast at my brother. and we saw a raven on the side of the bridge, "ooh, that's ominous."-arby.

2003-10-06T22:51:00.000-04:00

music: pleasure forever?

oh man, zak crostek is so fucking adorable. talked to that kid for the first time in a long time, and convinced him to drive up from cinci this weekend with todd (lerO) to come see me! niki, zak and i were in some chatroom harrassing people. being eleven again is so much god-damn fun.

2003-10-05T11:49:00.000-04:00

music: harkonen

in the middle of foreign policy on wednesday i announced that I NOW HAVE MY MARS VOLTA TICKETS. omar... cedric... SEX.

ps; i will see fugazi live, casey. someday.

2003-10-05T10:34:00.000-04:00

music: princess superstar

i'm cutting out a stencil for my latest idea in graphics (out of the many projects that seem to spew forth... that i never finish... ...god, i suck! haha). i talked to daniel last night and i miss that kid x1,000,000. come home you damn ugly brit. (...did i mention he got to... "meet" pete townshend? FUCKR!). i'm talking to casey, haha he's adorable. i'm in a good mood! oh yeah, last night was really cute. we had dinner at mikey's house; his mom made this amazing manicotti (i didn't have the chicken parmesean, so i can't comment on that), and his sister was really sweet. cristina was so late, that silly girl, but i got pictures, and alfie and i tried to keep up as eachother's date. hahaha, it pretty much lasted until we got to the actual dance... AND grant would dance with everyone save for me. he doesn't count "rap-dancing" as dancing (aka: grinding... for the people with a normal slang vocabulary). but i got to see jess! and she looked gorgeous! i got to meet pj too. pj hoye? she was so smashed, it was great; she's a riot! i'm thinking about calling her up and dragging her to easton with me today cos kacey said she might be busy and it'd be fun to hang out with her. did i mention coffman is super-fucking scary? the kids there just make me really uncomfortable, and their cafetorium was full to the fucking brink, i don't think we ever have that many kids. i'm actually glad, for once, that i go to scioto. (wow). the word grind reminds me of that song. what was it called? i'm going to have to ring kat and ask her. is cali ahead of us four hours, or behind?... we used to be obsessed with that song. i miss her.

2003-10-02T07:25:00.002-04:00

music: these arms are snakes

i was playing SMASH: the results are as follows--
SMASH: H (House)
My Car!: Hatchback Saab (scOre)
I'm Marrying a Guy I Already Know: Grant
Our Wedding: Sado-masochistic. I guess that means we're literally giving our hearts to each other.
Honeymoon: Prague
His Personality: Nihilist/Hedonist
His Personal Hero: Johnny Depp (c) his new movie
His Job: Failed Artist who joins Roar Is The Sound (this is fate)
I Die When I'm: 87
How: Cancer from smoking (ironic)
College: Cooper Union in Greenwich Village (yeah right)
Habitat: Columbus, Ohio (ugh, i hope not)
My Job: Photographer for a PRESTIGIOUS magazine! (VOGUE here i come: oh man, the other choices sucked so bad, thank god)
First Girl I'd Ever Get to Fuck: Meredith! (choices were Alix Reese, Kacey Jones, Meredith Sommers, Niki Hart, & Andy Hadley.)
First Rock Star I Fuck: OMAR RODRIGUEZ. (man that boy is so fine.)
--actually for the last one I'm not sure if i got Omar or Jordan Billie, but hey, at least it wasn't Eminem, Avril Lavigne or Jay-Z. (puke puke puke).

No school right now, because I'm being... a rebel. oh man, look at me, i'm so XXHARDCOREXX. go shoot yourself.

2003-09-30T22:41:00.000-04:00

music: you used to sing just for me.

i'm trying my best to be what i never could for you. but i guess that doesn't do much good anymore, does it?

2003-09-28T13:53:00.000-04:00

music: the casket lottery

"my hair is being like really flippy." that's about the most half-wit-girl-like, how-do-i-look comment i have in me. but on a more serious note... "i don't look like jeff kleinman."

And here is the first lesson.
Lesson #1.
Forever is about 3 days long.

On a more personal note: Daniel, e0mail me back OR DIE.
thank you all for coming, and have a nice day.

2003-09-27T11:57:00.000-04:00

music: galliano

it's not very good, nor is it finished. or even close to being so. but here. it's called Canada. (creative, eh?)
///

Canada is a country founded on gray principles. Founded on rainy weather and Vikings in ships with shiny metal swords.

Everywhere there, everything is gray. The city is ash and asphalt, the suburbs are limestone and granite, the forests have dulled so much in the sunlight, that the colour has bleached and faded them as though they were drawn in graphite.

In Canada people talk in gray tones, their lives, shades of gray. The entire country is monochromatic and does not even reach the polar extreme of black, nor of white, but sits steadily in a pool of gray piss.

It is admist either fog or smog that we drive down, back to the border, where we will cross into Michigan, avoiding the tourist attracting Niagra Falls and the New York border.

Looking out the window, I try to make out colour, at least the faint hint of it, and wonder if the glass is tinted.

Through the windshield everything is still just as disgustingly gray. The thought of such constant dreariness is unbearable.

I want to puke.
///

Every song we play in our car is the shadow of someone I don’t want to remember, and in my head I am swearing. Movement is the memory of blue to red, blue to red, the carbon dioxide and oxygen cycle completed through veins that stretch out like roots in layers of organ and tissue.

I trace a lifeline backward in time.

Oxygen-fresh red blood cells was a boy inside me, early January. Ohio is icy remnants of winter, but inside we are warmth. We are flesh and forgiving.

I can see our silhouettes cast on his wall from the light of a digital clock.
///

Outside it is still gray.

2003-09-27T11:52:00.000-04:00

music: elvis presley

casey made me download this song for a cd he needed me to make for maria last year. it's by elvis presley, and until he asked me to burn it for him, i had no idea. so anyway, i'm listening to it.

it's saturday morning, almost noon. i think mark is picking up jared, grant and i, and we're going to have lunch? i'm not really sure about all that. nyu comes monday, that's exciting. i miss marc. hopefully he did well in spanish (could you honestly expect any less?). he said he was planning on coming down really soon. i probably already mentioned that, but that makes me ecstatic! haha, i told him to alert me when it happens and he said, "of course, aarthi is ALWAYS called." "damn straight, i am"-- that's what i said. heh. my toes are freezing off. wtf?

my cousin from toronto is here for some days. he has to go back soon though, because he has to get back to school. ontario lala. everyone else i talk to seems to think toronto is sweet, save for me. maybe they just don't have all the GREY experiences i have in canada. i'll put that piece in here, even though it's not finished.

2003-09-27T00:29:00.000-04:00

music: a perfect circle (new)

this isn't safe. there has got to be laws against this.
...
i like singing along to songs i know.

2003-09-25T23:36:00.000-04:00

music: quintron

some girls played tonight at little brothers and i had to miss it. hate hate... i'm tired. daniel called twice tonight, eating rice cakes. ian called, painting haley's nails. grant, rozan and i had an uneventful adventure. is that an oxy-moron?... eve smokes. so much for striving to be a musician and applying to julliard. anyway-- "i'm just used to the sound of it hurting."

2003-09-25T07:51:00.000-04:00

music: waxwing

happy 18th birthday, kacey girl. where is mikey?... we're supposed to meet everyone else at bob evan's at 8... arrgh. he probably forgot me.

2003-09-24T07:00:00.000-04:00

music: pretty girls make graves

tomorrow is kacey's birthday. hopefully niki doesn't read this until i send her shirt to her, but i made a new design and i need to get to the text in school cos i'm making kacey one for her birthday too; so i'm posting it here; it's just text:

You’re right. Feminism has nothing to do with discrimination and inequality, nor with morality. Actually, I’m a “Feminist” because I don’t have huge tits or a pretty face, and I’m angry at the fact that guys don’t whistle when I walk by, or slap my ass and talk about how badly they’d like to fuck me. It’s true, what women really crave is degradation, and women’s rights’ activists are merely lacking the beauty and intelligence of the remaining population. I understand your ignorance;
Just don’t tell me to shave my pits.

the last line is the only line readable from more than 3 ft away. just in case you were wondering. do you think kacey would want a mars volta ticket too?... i think that... i'm giving away my ingenious ideas! hot damn!

2003-09-24T06:51:00.000-04:00

music: ilya

here's to me making new friends over the internet!-- riiight. and paige, the 2nd to last link is a site i found off this posting network, just a random kid's site, and the last site is Citizens for a Legitimate Government. i thought danny would be interested in those two, so tell him to check them out. bye boys.

2003-09-24T06:44:00.000-04:00

music: anasarca

michael gould still has the picture i took for him and gave to him as his "graduation gift" on his last day senior year (my freshman year)!!! it completely fucking made me day and i smiled a ton. god, i miss that kid. i told him to come up and visit cristina & i, mainly just me. let's hope he does. marc called last night and told me about some guy in his apartment complex getting mugged, another guy smashing his face into the sidewalk, and a third committing suicide inside the NYU library. and i said, "i'd be surprised, but you live in new york city." daniel called twice; half-drunk the second time cos the red wine i suppose had kicked in. just got back to london from monaco. oh, i miss him too. what a blow-job entry.

2003-09-23T11:30:00.000-04:00

music: osceola

i was looking for anasarca and all i found was osceola. osceola is (members from) anasarca, the gloria record, the state secedes, and mineral. GOD DAMN LOOSE LEAF INDIE ROCK GARAGE BANDS THAT WHINE INTO THEIR MICROPHONES. ...nevermind, i don't know what i'm talking about. wait a second... yes i do. jesus fuck, am i sick.

2003-09-23T10:50:00.000-04:00

music: MARC

ARGH!!! what is the zipcode for new york city, new york!!?

2003-09-23T10:25:00.000-04:00

music: milk

when you log on to blogger, actually, take that back, it's my homepage, cos i would never update if it wasn't... so when i get online, they have like latest updated pages on the side. and i found one i liked. that's all. it's by some kid who i'm thinking attends "uni" (that's retarded-stolen-brit-talk [aka: canadian or australian depending on heritage] for university...) in ontario. politics major? probably.

i have another essay in foreign policy due too, where we can pick the topic. she suggested lindsay and i do a debate on the u.s. wanting to drill wells into iraq/pulling out and bush with his speech on why not. and i said... shut up you boring sob, who hasn't debated on that already? haven't you heard enough?-- so far my thesis is coming out to be "the succession of feminist ideology & activism in eastern vs western culture"... (or in most cases... the lack of).

i'm really mixed up in other things right now. and not particularly in the mood to expand on that. i printed last night, about an hour and a half in the darkroom, which was refreshing. i haven't been back there in, what feels like, 5 years!... which is completely untrue... and reminds me i need to pick up my slide prints from cord.

and fuck. i need to call marc back. my mom wakes me up because she wants me to go to school and tells me "new york marc called yesterday. maybe you should call him back." why can't she ever tell me the day that marc calls? and why can't she call him marc, or specify by saying marc diCenzo instead of "new york marc"? i guess i'm just being a little pretentious right now... so excuse me, i'm sick. cough,cough.

i don't really think my medication works anymore. and i think i should schedule my dr's appointments. but i'm really fuckin' lazy, and it seems so menial and unnecessary. i mean... can't they just send me scripts after reading my mind and saying, "hey, let's give her this!" weren't we supposed to have moving sidewalks and flying cars by now? come on technology. hurry the fuck up. NO ONE NEEDS A TALKING GPS SYSTEM IN THEIR CAR. WE NEED TELEPORTERS.

2003-09-19T13:52:00.000-04:00

i don't exist.

2003-09-17T14:01:00.000-04:00

music: faint

i had a bad day. please come back to me. lie next to me and tell me everything will be alright. i miss you too much. come back soon. you promised you would.

2003-09-17T12:02:00.000-04:00

"what it really comes down to," i say, "is that you get to the core of me. and me, i'm in the core of you."
"my flesh is like fruit, then?" he asks, "the seed, the pit, that's you?"
"sure, i guess."
"well," he replies, "i guess that's why we used to hold hands."
"yeah," i agree, "...why don't we anymore?"
he shrugs, "it's different."
i nod, "it is different."
"but we're still the same."
"always."
"forever."

2003-09-15T09:24:00.000-04:00

music: eastern youth, blood brothers, cursive, flex crew

the bloodbros blow cursive out of the water. the other bands aren't even worth mentioning. it was so fuck-fuck-fuck amazing sweet yum. that's my fourth time, baby!!! i love them! i saw nick at the show with ryan, but only for three seconds cos they dove straight into the mosh pit. there were a bunch of other people at the show --nat, grant, kacey, noise, arvy, shanny, mark w, jared, laney, chris, alfie, mikey, nathan k, mark h, matt, yurie, kevin, jc, amanda, brian, etc-- i hung around andy bellar most of it, cos he's adorable and hilarious and i'm completely in love with him... right, and he was there with uh... andy goodman? is that his last name? i forget, but i said hi. josh clark was there too, but not nathan, and rachel said hey to me. there were a bunch of kids there that i'm positive have never heard of the blood brothers until a week ago (or so my brother says), haha-- this image-girl julia that out of nowhere changes her style from long hippy skirts and t-shirts with jeans underneath to looking like a jeff cut-out from the sick-boot days, and miyoung (spc that), who is so fuckin' hardcore that she has had screaming infidelities in her binder for the past year. i don't even need to tell you how rock-fuckin'-hard dashboard confessional is. blow me. and lauren, jeff's 4 y/o ex, was there, lying her face off, being a total slutbag. i like being confrontational, because i realise that even if i'm completely nerve-racked and anxiety-ridden, no one else notices if you pretend to be the complete opposite. and it just makes those people you hate so god-damn uncomfortable. oh, and tanya was there! which was sweet, throwin' punches all over the place in the pit. i wore sandals so i wouldn't go in the pit so i could take pictures, but that ended up sucking, because i went in at the end anyway and got my feet assasinated. by the end everyone was so god-damn disgusting, drenched in sweat and smiling, yum. i was coughin' up ash from the pit of my stomach. we went to sns, got shakes, and then came home. delicious. i wish daniel had been there. but oh-well... he says he doesn't really care for them that much. screwy british jerk. no, only kidding. alright. peas.

ps; mars volta 13 oct 03, @ the newport. SEX.

2003-09-12T01:11:00.000-04:00

music: [ insert state of ohio law-required moment of silence inadvertantly advocating prayer in and during school hours ]

i want to be a good woman
i want for you to be a good man
this is why i am leaving
this is why i can't see you no more
cos i don't want to be a bad woman
and i can't stand to see you be a bad man
i will miss your heart so tender
i will love this love forever
this is why i am leaving
this is why i can't see you no more
and this is why i am lying
when i say i don't love you no more
+(that's by...
catpower... "to be a good woman")

2003-09-12T01:09:00.000-04:00

music: catpower

i think it's his eyes. his sigh.

2003-09-10T19:41:00.000-04:00

music: shankar

god i feel so ill. it's the blandest feeling in the world actually, it's just numb. like bored, but bored so it makes you sad and i consider that ill.

2003-09-08T16:29:00.000-04:00

music:

i am nothing more than here.

2003-09-07T16:26:00.000-04:00

music: madonna

madonna is...
so anyway, Ashley Cole (he's a defender for the Arsenal) has the same birthday as Daniel. that's cute because Ashley is a really cute name! Jack told me that they had the same birthday last night, so i told Daniel. yeah, so that is how bored i am today... . i got my slides back, finally, from Cord Camera and they look pretty good, maybe a little dark, but it won't matter i suppose. oh, i'm hungry. hear that growling? rahr!-- i hope Danny calls, he said he would...

2003-09-07T00:52:00.000-04:00

music: vaux

what a "bright-eyes-moment".

2003-09-05T21:12:00.000-04:00

music: jeff buckley

he makes me want to crumble up and fall as ashes. i miss you. he's so far away, and it might take even longer now. daniel called me today though. with his half-accent.

2003-09-01T02:10:00.000-04:00

music: slint

why do i feel like something isn't right

2003-08-31T18:24:00.000-04:00

music: bowie

grant asked me out two nights ago and i said i don't know, because i don't know. i don't know if it's right for me to date grant when i still have other stuff. i'm glad i explained that so well, and be fucking satisfied, cos i'm really reluctant to post that. i got a call from marc yesterday, a loser-sweetheart that i love, and of course, he always cheers me up. cristina and i were talking about how all the kids that don't know him don't understand how awesome that kid really is. i mention him and they all roll their eyes. yesterday in uo i saw this yellow vest i want and kacey and i decided we are going to wear wallet chains reminiscent of 1995 and skate-boarding tokers. also mikey and i were dancing to david bowie and i heard rebel, rebel. i love that song, but yesterday it made me sad. that song is like the equivalent to daniel. eep. did i tell you we saw charlie's angels 2 two nights ago? i haven't seen the first one, but the second one was... entertaining enough. last night i slept with grant in his bed and i was tired and yum. the fact that i don't know what to do exhausts me and i'm endlessly stressed out because of my loveheartheart parents who care only for my safety and well-being. boys are stupid and i don't like playing games with them, it makes me stupid like them. maybe everything should unfold more nicely next time.

rebel rebel, you've torn your dress // rebel rebel, your face is a mess
rebel rebel, how could they know? // rebel rebel, i love you so!

2003-08-30T14:05:00.000-04:00

music: soundtrack

danger danger
high voltage
when we touch
when we kiss
who sings when they make-out? dork.
it's 2pm, saturday, and i'm tired.
i think my brother and i are going "shopping" with shanny.
whatever. byebye

2003-08-28T14:14:00.000-04:00

music:

this sucks. but some of it is cool. but mostly it just sucks.

2003-08-25T10:55:00.000-04:00

music:

grantgrant

2003-08-25T10:54:00.000-04:00

music: stooges

happiness, we watched that yesterday at around 2am. going to bed so late is no good. school starts tomorrow, oh! and my bobo is back today! i am so excited! i miss that one. i'm still tired

2003-08-24T18:01:00.000-04:00

music: blood brothers

i love the blood brothers! (as if you didn't know, cock-sucker). i ache all over, and my arms are so sore because i didn't get any sleep last night. jason and josh said they'd beat up those two kids, "does his sister have green teeth?". he cringed. bobo comes homes tomorrow nights! finally! it's been too long! today is the last night of summer. i think we're watching happiness, and if i don't do anything, i think i'm going to head down to ryan's place, they're having an 80s night or something (ryan and meredith are crazy). maybe kacey will go (that's doubtful). cristina screwed mark over and he's so upset everywhere. nat and me are so tired today and he's worky at bravo right now. do they have good food there? it's half off cos nattylub?. lub<3

2003-08-24T10:08:00.000-04:00

music: exhibit a

joshua aaron clark is the guitarist of exhibit a and travis is the drummer for that band and vicky the robot. late thursday night as we were leaving, i was talking to josh thompson and josh (clark) walked in, said hi, and i decided i might as well stay and finish my last full flavour. we ended up staying at sns until 3, only to ride around in a car w/ josh and jason (dan davis), pissing other drivers off & blasting garth brooks. man, what a funny night. we pulled up to some complex, a building with all these guys standing outside, arms crossed, looking real tough and we just flashed the headlights and then pulled up and reversed a bunch. we got them pretty pissed off and got the cop to pass right next to us, as we creeped by, then he turned around and went the opposite direction of our car (moron). got home around 4. i'm downloading mp3s by josh's band right now cos we missed two of his shows and i want to hear it. there's a show at the red 16 on 07 september, at 10pm, and i promised kacey and i would go to that, not that kacey would mind. heh.

last night we saw them again at sns around 12 and ended up staying there until 3 45, then followed josh home to borrow happiness so we can watch it with nat soon. sweet. i also had to wear a sari yesterday to dirker's arangatram and then afterwards wore it to scottie's when i promised mark i'd meet him there. had to change in the car on the way out so as not to get even more embarressed. gah. school starts in two days. right now i'm about to leave to meet nathan, mikey, jc, grant and maybe adam at dana's (10 30am) and turn in my film rolls that i took at dirker's arangatram last night (if you're white, don't worry about it). so i guess it's settled, i have stories to tell, but i'm too lazy--

2003-08-20T00:36:00.000-04:00

music:

once in his basement she broke down. she cried so hard and wouldn't let him touch her. she screamed and was scared. but he held her near. she never told anyone about it. it was so bad.